The Injury Update!

Now for a fake update about being wounded!

The Scout

The Big Hurt

Level ouch scattergun

Painslayers

Level 1 Painkillers (secondary)

While in use, heals the scout for 30HP and kills ramp-up on incoming damage for ten seconds.

While worn, the scout cannot be overhealed.

Tiny Tim

Level 1 Crutch (melee)

Improves returns from health kits by 15%.

-50% Damage

Hat: The Baseball Bill's Sports Shiner (a black eye)

The Soldier

The Tenderfoot

Level 5 Leg Casts

Deals damage to anyone within ~40HVU upon landing a rocket jump (groundpound)

+10% self-damage

Hat: The Spirit of 76 /The Hedwound

A stylish head-bandage recalling a famous painting by the same name

The Pyro

Another Burn Ward

Level 10 Flamethrower

Wearer shares any healing his victim gets until the fire is extinguished.

The Mental Exercise

Level 10 Imaginary Axe

party blowers and confetti on kill

Hat: The Invisible Person

A well-bandaged head in two styles!

The Demoman

The Hurt Launcher

Level 2 Grenade Launcher

The Company Health Plan

Tier 3 Scotch

Self-damage heals over time

+10% bullet vulnerability

Hat: The Double Eyepatch

Vision is for menn who don't rely on skill

The Heavy

The Medkit

Sandvich reskin

The Reverse Heimlich Maneuver

On kill: allows you to throw enemy ragdoll at opponents

-25% attack speed

Hat: The Sour Tooth

A toothache wrap

The Engineer

Sorry, Engineer fans!

The Medic

The Blood Drive

Level 10 Syringe Gun

Allows the medic to earn ubercharge for nearby non-medigun healing

-25% damage

The Suppository

Level Cough Bonesaw

Crits from behind

-50% base damage

this is a joke

Hat: Surgeon's cap

The Sniper

The Lobotomy

Level 5 Sniper Rifle

Pierces targets

+.5s charge time

Sample Seven

Level 2 Urine Joke

Splashed allies earn temporary health regen

Hat: The Reminder

Bandage over cheek-scar, numerous additional bandages on face

The Spy

Insurance Fraud

Level 5 Sapper Replacement

"Sapped" enemies share 10% of their healing with you

Surgical-Grade

Level 2 Scalpel

Hat: The Sympathy Solicitor

A neck brace

The Engineer:

Unlike Valve, I was kidding before.

The Workplace Accident

Level 3 Nailgun

Minicrits on headshots

-25% Damage

-50% Clip

The Quarpal Tunneler

Level 2 Right-hand cast

Allows engineers to walk through their buildings

-25% swing speed

Hat: The Clumsy Carpenter

A cracked version of the standard hardhat with nails in it