Sunday, December 25, 2011

Engineer Buildings in Medieval Mode

Buildings that are generally applicable in both Medieval Mode and regular gameplay don't work. Medieval Mode--currently relegated to DeGroot Keep--has a very specific game imprint and buildings introduce a number of problems.

First of all, buildings inherently favor RED. RED has more access to metal and more time to work on buildings. While BLU is inside the Keep after an A/B capture, they are concentrating on capturing the final point. That would leave very little time to engage buildings built inside the higher reaches of the Keep, whereas BLU's map area is huge and immediately accessible to RED. With no objectives outside the Keep to defend and no bottlenecks to improve the effectiveness of buildings, BLU won't benefit from offensive buildings and support buildings become very vulnerable.

Buildings also form natural barriers. Even if they had no other function at all, they could be built to block access to DeGroot Keep's final point. Friendly REDs can clip through them, using them for cover, while BLUS need to either engage or circumnavigate them. The point's access is only about two dispensers wide, so a pair of Engineers could stop access to the point for at least two seconds, and unless their melee weapon swings slowly or repair rates are modulated for Medieval Mode, they could outrepair any damage done.

Sentries are generally expressed as automated crossbows. I don't know why. It's not like they're a thing. However, the common expression is slow firing rate, fire-friendly arrows. Inexplicably common, also, is the condition that Engineers must continuously hit the sentry in order to make it work. Specific stats relating to fire rate may change, but the requirement for constant Engineer supervision is mystifying--it's absolutely no fun for the Engineer. Weighed against the sniper the sentry is guaranteed to have lower potential DPS on arrows but it requires less effort so players using it would look doubly bad-they're not maximizing their damage output and they are taking the easier job. Nothing about this translates out of Medieval Mode--the sentry is too weak to justify the expensive balancing measures used to make it fair in the Keep.

Dispensers are often replaced with kegs of mead. Tables of food or healing fires show up less commonly. They favor RED for all the reasons already listed; RED has more time and resources, they offer more effective cover for RED inside the keep than they would for BLU outside. Often dispensers have no metal generation in exchange for extra healing, which obviously doesn't make any sense; only snipers, Crossbow medics and other engineers will ever need ammo, and the extra healing gives RED a big advantage when BLU is pushing for the point. Dispensers are normally fragile, but without ranged weapons enemies must expend valuable time destroying them, both to break through or to deprive the REDS of the extremely valuable boost.

Teleporters aren't that great in their traditional role. Again, they favor RED because the BLU field is not large enough to hide them or necessitate their use relative to the cost of building one. At best, a sneaky BLU engineer could build one inside the keep, but putting the effort into hiding it instead of gunning for the point is probably wasted. On the other hand, REDs can use them to potentially stall enemy Democharges on the point, or build effective telefrag traps since it's easier to guess where enemies will be when their only access point to your base is a 110HU door.
Plus, they're always generic "magic portals". Allow me to wiggle my fingers in disgust.

Ultimately, if the Engineer needs a buff in Medieval Mode, other opportunities should be examined. Most buildings offer a pretty unconditional advantage. Since Medieval Mode is already reasonably balanced (i.e. fights can go to either BLU or RED), creating new items that will mostly have appreciable benefits only for RED unbalances the game in RED's favor.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

The Ark--A Medigun

The Ark
Level 20 Medigun

Allows you to select two heal targets simultaneously.
50% Healing during dual-heal

Ubercharge: Arcing Bolt Wall

Upon an ubercharge, healing speed returns to normal and both patients earn an 85x50 HU wall of invulnerability that centers on their crosshair. Enemy fire cannot pass through the wall, but enemies themselves can. If the two patients stand within 200HU of one another, their walls will arc together, becoming a single long wall 300HU wide. Projectiles vanish upon hitting the wall, but players will absorb knockback force as normal.

50% healing means that both patients receive 50% of their normal healing allotment. If you're healing one patient (A) who has 100% rampup and one with 0% rampup (B), A would receive 36HPPS, while B would receive 12HPPS. "Double healing" during the ubercharge means that healing returns to its standard amount

Monday, September 12, 2011

Soldier Lines

Buffing more than two allies with any banner
[screams The Ride of the Valkyries]
[screams The Revielle]
[screams the Charge bugle call]
[incoherent screaming]
Yer mammas are very proud of you!
Forward, you bunch of nancies!
I am commending you all for a promotion!
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaavok!
These colors do not run!

Using the Buff Banner specifically
Make these ones count, boys!
Shoot 'em right in the whites of their eyes!
We come waving the [Green/Yellow] Flag of War!
I love the smell of crits in the morning!
I am literally urinating glory!
Let's give these hippies haircuts!
Kill 'em. Kill 'em all.

Using the Battalion's Backup specifically
We are engaged in a Charlie Foxtrot! And a one-two-three-one-two-three!
We will fight them until they are in the ground.
You sorry lot will die when I tell you, and not a moment before!
You call that killing me?
Armor's on!

Using the Concheror:
Happy forward times for great successful!
Their blood will salve your wounds!
Your pain sustains me!
Bring me their ears!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

The Injury Update!

Now for a fake update about being wounded!

The Scout

The Big Hurt
Level ouch scattergun

Painslayers
Level 1 Painkillers (secondary)
While in use, heals the scout for 30HP and kills ramp-up on incoming damage for ten seconds.
While worn, the scout cannot be overhealed.

Tiny Tim
Level 1 Crutch (melee)
Improves returns from health kits by 15%.
-50% Damage

Hat: The Baseball Bill's Sports Shiner (a black eye)

The Soldier

The Tenderfoot
Level 5 Leg Casts
Deals damage to anyone within ~40HVU upon landing a rocket jump (groundpound)
+10% self-damage

Hat: The Spirit of 76 /The Hedwound
A stylish head-bandage recalling a famous painting by the same name

The Pyro

Another Burn Ward
Level 10 Flamethrower
Wearer shares any healing his victim gets until the fire is extinguished.

The Mental Exercise
Level 10 Imaginary Axe
party blowers and confetti on kill

Hat: The Invisible Person
A well-bandaged head in two styles!

The Demoman

The Hurt Launcher
Level 2 Grenade Launcher

The Company Health Plan
Tier 3 Scotch
Self-damage heals over time
+10% bullet vulnerability

Hat: The Double Eyepatch
Vision is for menn who don't rely on skill

The Heavy

The Medkit
Sandvich reskin

The Reverse Heimlich Maneuver
On kill: allows you to throw enemy ragdoll at opponents
-25% attack speed

Hat: The Sour Tooth
A toothache wrap

The Engineer

Sorry, Engineer fans!

The Medic

The Blood Drive
Level 10 Syringe Gun
Allows the medic to earn ubercharge for nearby non-medigun healing
-25% damage

The Suppository
Level Cough Bonesaw
Crits from behind
-50% base damage
this is a joke

Hat: Surgeon's cap

The Sniper

The Lobotomy
Level 5 Sniper Rifle
Pierces targets
+.5s charge time

Sample Seven
Level 2 Urine Joke
Splashed allies earn temporary health regen

Hat: The Reminder
Bandage over cheek-scar, numerous additional bandages on face

The Spy

Insurance Fraud
Level 5 Sapper Replacement
"Sapped" enemies share 10% of their healing with you

Surgical-Grade
Level 2 Scalpel

Hat: The Sympathy Solicitor
A neck brace

The Engineer:
Unlike Valve, I was kidding before.

The Workplace Accident
Level 3 Nailgun
Minicrits on headshots
-25% Damage
-50% Clip

The Quarpal Tunneler
Level 2 Right-hand cast
Allows engineers to walk through their buildings
-25% swing speed

Hat: The Clumsy Carpenter
A cracked version of the standard hardhat with nails in it

Friday, May 20, 2011

Meet the Test Subjects

Scout
Challenge: aerial faith plate

The scout sits at an aperture brand folding chair, leaning back and resting his feet on the table. He's wearing the standard Aperture jumpsuit with the sleeves cut off plus his dogtags, headset, and cleats.

Credit: official WikiInterview: "Yeah. I finished the tests. All of 'em. Perfect score. Yep. Didn't take any brain smarts or nuthing. They gave me this cube thing? Bam, I incinerated it. No problem. Listen pal, I can solve tests. I can solve any test, any time, no problem. Yeah, they tried giving me these dumb looking boot things when I came in here and I said "No way are you putting those girl shoes on me, nerd!" And then I gave him a noogie. You know what I'm saying? This guy does, ha ha ha."

Test Footage:
The door to the room opens, and the scout comes out, arms outstretched, mugging and strutting for an imaginary audience. He stops mid-gloat, noticing that the room is mostly empty of objects and completely empty of people. Cautiously he scans the whole room while backing up, only to step onto an AFP, which then launches him into the far distance. At the far end, another AFP activation can be heard, and one of the scout's shoes comes flying back and knocks over the camera.

Soldier

Challenge: Thermal Discouragement Beam

The soldier is dressed in an aperture jumpsuit, Long Fall boots (in a slightly more masculine style) and a test helmet that hides his eyes.

"How do I feel about this challenge? What is this, girl scout preschool? I am a man, and MEN do not talk about their feelings. Men do things with their hands, like build PROUD NATIONS or BIRDHOUSES. Do not test me, science man, I will not be--Oh! Sixty dollars? I'm in!"

The soldier tumbles into the middle of the testing room floor as though he were diving for cover, and lands in the middle of a nearly empty chamber. Quickly he takes stock of the elements in the chamber. Thermal Discouragement Beam generator. Two weighted discouragement beam redirection cubes. The Thermal Discouragement Receiving Port. After thinking carefully, he fires four successive shots. The first portal drops a redirection cube under the Thermal Discouragement Beam, rerouting it to another discouragement cube, into a portal on the wall and out to the Receiving Port. Standing direction in front of final receiver, on fire, is the Soldier.

As he crumples, the portal gun drops out of his hand, rolls through the open door, and the "test completed" success bell is heard.

Spy
Challenge: Turrets

The Spy is wearing an inexplicably classy Aperture jumpsuit with the sleeves rolled down and buttoned. He has a boutonniere on the lapel, and somehow retains his balaclava and cigarette. His pants are rolled up at the knee, revealing the Advanced Knee Replacement and a pair of wing-tip shoes. While speaking he dismisses one smokable and lights another.

Interview:
"Am I to believe you will be administering a test? And during this test, you will allow me to be alone in a series of rooms which may grant an invisible man who is not me access to unguarded industrial secrets? Top shelf."

Test Footage:
The primary testing area consists of a small antechamber with a security camera and aroom with several turrets (a genuinely ridiculous amount), arranged in a crowd that leaves a path between two doors. There's some conversion gel splashed on the floor. The spy enters the room, and immediately uses the portal gun to dispatch a nearby security camera. Glados' signature complaint regarding vital testing apparatus is heard. The Spy peers around the corner. One turret asks "Hello?". The spy ducks back into the lee of the door, activating his invisibility watch and chuckling softly.

Completely invisible to the viewer, his movements are implied by the movement of the camera. Quickly, he enters the room, the camera moving laterally to suggest he's strolling casually and mark his progress. There's an overhead shot of the scene, with the many, many turrets' targeting lasers staring straight ahead. A close up of the conversion gel puddle being disturbed, with a few footprints trailing out of it, then a close-up of a turret.

The turret is staring straight ahead, then blinks and looks down, its eye following the apparent progress of the footprints. There's an overhead shot again, only this time one of the sentries is following the footprints with its tracking beam. Slowly, ominously, the tracking beams begin to converge on a space near the footprints.

One of the turrets quips "Goodbye" and the scene fades to black over gunfire, and a gentle thump.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Team Fortress Easter Egg Ideas

Scout:

Pyro: Hut outside of map area. Propane and gas tanks can be seen piled on the porch. There's a fire ax buried in a tree stump.

Soldier: Map fatality featuring the Soldier's neck-snapping apartment door.

Demoman: Explosives laboratory as navigable environment. May include single exploding prop.

Heavy Weapons Guy: Table with sandwich and milk. Minigun-themed calendar. Punching bag.

Engineer: Work lab with Frontier Justice mounted on the wall. Sentry parts strewn around.

Medic: Operating theater seen from high angle.

Sniper:

Spy:

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Charge Me, Doc

Right now, the Heavy is the only class that celebrates an Ubercharge. It's fun; he roars and snarls and does all the things a four hundred pound man with two hundred pound minigun should do while invincible. So I was thinking... shouldn't the other classes get a share of the fun? Even if they shouldn't, shut up, I'm writing this.

The Scout:
I'm batting a thousand!
Look out, chumps, I'm scratch resistant!
Winning!
Hahaha! Hahaha... oh, you're dead.
Who's the tough guy now, huh tough guys?
I. AM. INVINCIBLE.
Oh, I'm sorry, were you shooting me?
Deadguysayswhat?

The Soldier:
[hums the Ride of the Valkyries]
You see the pretty glow son?
Try and stop me now, commies!
Now let's get to the real killing!

The Demoman:
Oh, you're all dead now, laddies!
Leave nothing left! Not even bones!

The Engineer:
Y'all are gonna the horns.
Gotta get me the specs on this!
I am the irresistible force.
You'll ain't immovable, son.

The Medic:
Ticket, please!
You will vacate the premises, or be shot!
Time of death: right now!
The prognosis is dim!

The Sniper:
I'm invincible, mate, don't try nothing stupid.
What, never seen a glowing Aussie before?

The allied Spy:Garish, yet effective.

The enemy Spy (audible only to his teammates):
For your information...
Shh! Somebody see if he notices!

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Voice Lines, Part I

Scout:
While snared in slowdown:
C'mon, c'mon!
Work, dammit!


Getting an environmental kill:
Watch your step, chuckles.

Using Mad Milk:
Does my body good!
You got something on your shirt--zing!

Getting a Fish Kill:
(shouts number of hit), (laughs)

Soldier:
Buff Banner/Battalion's Back-up Activated:
Let's bring the pain, boys!
Into the breach!
Sic 'em!

Blocking Crits with Battalion's Back-Up:

Your luck just ran out, son.
Where is your crocket now?
Take your fancy damage multipliers and go home, son!

Respawning after suiciding:
Let's try that again.
One more go!

Pyro:
the mumbling is implied
Extinguishing Ally:
Feel better?
You're welcome.

After a successful axetinguisher kill:
Tag, you're it!

Demoman:
Collecting several heads in a row:
Come and get me, I say!
I'm a grim bloody fable!
I think I nicked your ear.

Dying to fall damage:
Dammit.
Ach, that smarts.
Whoopsie!
I think I misjudged that one.
My ankle!

Heavy:
With GRU out:
(huffing and puffing)
(panting)

When a nearby medic is being damaged:
Protect the doctor!
Get behind me doctor!

Engineer:
Having an ally destroy a sapper on your building:
Thanks, pardner.
Thanks, buddy.

After destroying several sappers:
Come on out n' try again, Frenchy.

Multiple buildings are sapped simultaneously:
Boys, we have a saboteur!
There's a spy in my camp!

Medic:
Death with >90% ubercharge:
Noooooo!
My life... wasted.

Activating ubercharge:

Forward, my minions!
Forward or you will be shot!

Behind allies calling for a Medic:
Over here!
Follow me!

While blocking damage with uber:
I am invincible!
Thank me later, kill them now!

Sniper:
Upon having your Razorback broken:
You hear something?

Upon surviving a headshot:
That was a close one.
Must be slipping.
Lucky day.

Spy:
Upon catching fire:
Tiresome.

All Class:
These are ideas for additional opportunities for audio responses for all classes.
Picking up a full health kit while "in the red".
Getting airblasted.
Seeing an enemy pop an uber
Shooting a critical hit
Killing an enemy at long distance
Witnessing an ally get killed
  • perhaps make this one extremely rare, or only when allies are on your Steam Friends list
Killing the top scorer on the enemy team
Killing a hat-wearing enemy.
Thanking an ally who killed someone who damaged you recently.

New Taunts

Obsessive compulsives like me like to see things completed reasonably. With the new items flooding the market, boy, wouldn't it be nice to get new taunts for all this stuff? Maybe? Okay, I really don't have any idea, but I had fun thinking of them, dang it. Feel free to add your own, as mine are far from perfect.

Scout:
Short Stop
Holds the gun out, one-handed, then tilts it sideways.

Mad Milk
Holds his pinkies out and puts them on his forehead and pretends to be a bull.

Bonk
Poses, hands on hips, then flickers slightly

Crit-a-Cola
Thumbs his nose.

Holy Mackerel
Feels his bicep admiringly.

Candy Cane
Swings it, Buster Keaton style.

Boston Basher
Pricks his finger with it, then sucks it.

Soldier:

Black Box
Performs a bras d'honneur

Battalion's Back-Up

Plays hacky-sack with a grenade.
Frying Pan
Spins it in his open hand.

Pain Train
Poses like Washington crossing the Delaware.

Pyro:

Degreaser
Pretends his napalm grenades are planes.

Powerjack
Throws up the horns, headbangs

Homewrecker
Pretends it's a putter.

Backscratcher
Scratches his tank?

Demoman:
Loch-n-Load
Indicates that he's got his eye on you.

Ullapool Caber
Meet-the-Demoman style salute.

Scottish Skullcutter

Dusts his hands.

Cliahaoevowelsoaerd Mor
Holds it above his head in both hands, He-man style.

Heavy:
Brass Beast
Pets the barrel lovingly.

Steak
Imitates the Scout's pulse-checking pistol taunt.

Warrior's Spirit
Snarls like a bear (obviously)

Fists of Steel
Beckons with giant fist.

GRU
Three lightning-fast jabs.

Engineer:
Southern Hospitality
Juggles wrench, passing it behind the back.

Jag
Performs the wrench taunt twice as fast, twice.

Medic:
Crusader's Crossbow
Snaps back, chest out, with crossbow held in front of his face.

Sniper:
Sydney Sleeper

Double finger guns.

Jarate
Meaningfully zips up pants.

Tribal Shiv
Appears to block face from "paparazzi".

Bushwacka
Feigns shaving.

Spy:

L'Etranger
Performs a simple magic trick, shifting the gun between hands.

Your Eternal Reward
Pretends to read newspaper.

Achievements

With all the new content, new items, and general neatness going on in TF2 these days, I thought I'd come up with some more achievements. You know, for fun. You're welcome, no, encouraged to participate!

Some of the Achievement Images

Blood Drive:
Deal 1500 points of bleed damage to enemies.

Whose point is it, Anyway?
Capture a point at x6 cap speed, using only three people.

Irony:
Kill a spy from behind with regular melee damage.

Picnic Pocket
Pick up 10 sandviches deployed by enemy Heavies.

Day at the Races:
Win ten Payload Cart races.

Omega Man:
Kill more than two enemies as the last man standing in Arena Mode.

Hill Hole:
Survive 500 damage while capturing the point during KOTH.

Self Loathing:
Dominate a member of the class you are currently playing, 25 times.

Count of Monte Dustbowl:
Get 100 revenges.

Drink More Overtime:
Capture the Hill during overtime and hold it for three consecutive minutes.

Hydroplaning:
Win a game of Territory Control without giving up territory.

Objectivist:
Complete 1000 objectives.

No Redeploy for the Wicked:
Kill 25 engineers as they haul buildings.

Boy Scout Cramp
Kill 1000 scouts.

The Quagmire
Kill 1000 soldiers.

Permanent Axtinction
Kill 1000 Pyros.

King Edward
Kill 1000 Demomen.

Weight watchers
Kill 1000 Heavies.

Messed with Texas
Kill 1000 Engineers.

Malpractice Suit
Kill 1000 medics.

I'm Jack Ruby
Kill 1000 snipers.

Assassin's Bleed
Kill 1000 spies.

Honor in Defeat:
Kill a member of the winning team during Humiliation.

Live Another Day:
Run a lifetime two kilometers during Humiliation rounds.

Unconventional Healing
Heal one million points of health without using supply lockers, health kits, dispensers, or mediguns.
sandviches, mad milk, blutsauger, black box, powerjack/eyelander kills

CLASS SPECIFIC

Scout:
Milked Dry:
Earn 1000 heal points for your team with Mad Milk.

Candy Crutch:
Collect 20 health packs supplied by the Candy Cane.

Soldier:
Six Flags:
Fill your rage meter five times while critboosted from five different intel captures.

Lightning War:
Capture three points in a row without dying.

Ribsticker:
Heal 1000 HP with the Black Box.

Colorguard:
Cooperate with another Soldier to deploy a Buff Banner and Battalion's Back Up simultaneously.

Pyro:
Rocket Chump:
Perform an airblast-rocket jump.
may require a distance modifier

Buffed the Magic Dragon
Score 100 non-random critical hits with the Flare Gun.

Snuff 'Em:
Extinguish 100 allies with the airblast.

Airball
Stun a scout with his own ball.

Double Mis-Take
Kill someone with a reflected flaming arrow headshot.

Spy Hunter
Destroy a sapper and kill the Spy who placed it.

Kung Fire:
Heal 500HP with reflected Black Box rockets.

Jack Be Quick:
Heal 500HP with the Powerjack.

Demoman:

Engie-near
Kill an engineer and his sentry in the same explosion.

Random Ax of Violence
While armed with the Scotsman's Skullcutter, get three kills where you assist or are assisted by a Pyro wielding either the Fire ax or the Axestinguisher.

Binge
Capture three capture points without dying.

Axecutor of the Estate
Destroy three Engineer buildings then behead the Engineer who built them.

Bloody Red King:
Play a full round where you earn the highest score on a team of six or more players, and earn at least five decapitations.

Dead Eye:
Get 100 kills with the Loch-n-Load.

Tuber Tosser:
Get an environmental kill with the Ullapool Caber.

Heavy:
French Toast:
Heal a spy calling for a medic with your sandvich, then kill him. Kill him good.

Chocolatey Center
Survive a direct hit from a critical rocket with overhealing from a Dalokohs Bar.

Positively Dashing
Kill two enemies with the GRU while under the effect of the Buffalo Steak Sandvich.

The Iron Mitten
Win 50 melee duels with the Fists of Steel.

Engineer:
Punch Drunk Glove
While armed with the Gunslinger, get two kills where you assist or are assisted by a punching Heavy.

Snapping Turtle:
Kill 25 enemies with your shotgun.

Waterproofing:
Heal 500 HP of drowning damage in one life where you earn at least one kill.

One-two Punch
Kill a stunned enemy with the wrench.

Insurrectin' A Sentry:
Kill an enemy with a sentry constructed within five meters of their own intel.

Medic:
Nos-TF-two
Heal 300HP with the Blutsauger in one life.

Self Medicating:
Save yourself from fire with a home brew.

Das Automatik:
Land 20 consecutive hits with the Syringegun or Blutsauger.

Neighborhood Harmacist:
Heal four people on your Steam Friends list simultaneously with the Amputator.

Healing And Hurting
In two shots, heal an ally whose HP is in the red and kill an enemy that attacked him in the last five seconds.

Sniper:
Two Shakes:
Assist in the deaths of two enemies in two seconds with the Sydney Sleeper.
Spy:
Silent and Deadly:
Get 100 backstabs with the Eternal Reward.

Cloakroom:
Earn 1500% cloak with L'Etranger.

Bodysnatcher:
Kill a Medic's patient with the Eternal Reward, then kill the Medic.