History of a Weapon: Canteens, Uber Canteens, and Kritz Canteens

Recently the longstanding dispute between the RED and BLU groups was resolved via double homicide. However, immediately after the cessation of hostilities between the two groups, new hostilities began as arms manufacturer and comic book distributor Mann Co was attacked by robots. It was in the wake of these robot attacks that Mann Co finally saw fit to publicize technology it had apparently been hiding in a Senate Subcomittee-proof cellar.

The Multipurpose Chargeable Canteens are not actually canteens and under no circumstances should anyone ever drink out of one. For the most part, the Canteen's sturdy steel frame and handy canvass carrying case are merely external protection for the various interchangeable inserts available for purchase at any Mann Co Defensive Outpost.  Each insert can be installed into a standard canteen and then charged up to three times at a go. When pressed as to why canteens could only hold three charges, a representative of Mann Co claimed that allowing mercenaries to carry more than three charges at a go might make them into "big softies" who should "just go home and bake cookies" if they couldn't "take the heat from the hellish onslaught of merciless, unstoppable robots". Another simply mimed a gruesome explosion, followed by several more, while making "pkew pkew" noises with his mouth. An accountant explained that it was "detrimental to core profit margins" before being impressively suplexed through an open window by what other Mann Co representatives claimed was simply an "albino gorilla luchador" before deferring this journalist to technical staff.

The Uber-Canteen insert allegedly contains a notdeadium core that irradiates a fluid medium. The uber-insert ships with a reusable, self-sterilizing syringe which is capable of holding enough fluid for a five-second charge.  Uber canteens do not generate ubercharge, nor are synthetic ubercharge supplements yet a possibility: instead, ubercharge is generated at offsite facilities. When pressed, Mann Co representatives claimed that it was a proprietary secret and that further inquiries should be taken up with their team of elite military legal androids.

The Kritz Canteen is quite different from the Uber Canteen. There is a well-documented phenomena on battlefields with extensive medigun saturation known as "random crits". Essentially dissipated notdeadium would coalesce on mercenaries, causing their weapons to emit a disruption field that essentially triples the damage dealt. Kritz Canteens have a special pressure nozzle that dissipate the gas, conducting the disruption field onto their weapons for a few seconds.

To learn more about the Power Up Canteens, click here.